how can u be prego again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
