If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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