new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
