Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
