Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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