When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my liver is dry heaving
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
