Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
