Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
