I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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