My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
