DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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