I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
