I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
