if i can run in heels then i can drive
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
