You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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