my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
