please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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