He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
