Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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