if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
