I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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