Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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