found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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