I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
