I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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