Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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