1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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