So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
