you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
