Four minutes until I can fart!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I understand Curling. That high.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
