I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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