were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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