honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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