you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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