Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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