When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
