I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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