just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
