how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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