College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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