His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't put those talents on a resume
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
