I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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