apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize