Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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