remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
