two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
