my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
