I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
