im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
