This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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