she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You may now shotgun with the bride
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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