i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
