for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
