The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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