im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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