I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
