And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
