Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
