awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
