My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
