Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
