I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
