I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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