***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
