pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
someone get that fucking seahorse.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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