I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize