Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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