Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
