I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
