Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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